Friday, April 30, 2010

I stopped taking my lamictal. It wasn't helping and is making my skin break out. I don't trust meds anymore, and while I had been willing to give it a chance, I periodically get terrified of having weight creep up on me like it did with zyprexa. I cannot survive that again. And unless the benefits seriously outweigh the costs, I don't want to take all these things that no one even knows how they work. I was reading about lamictal today, and my favorite sentence was "Lamotrigine binds to melanin-containing tissues such as the iris of the eye. The long-term consequences of this are unknown." I also didn't realize that it is the only FDA-approved mood stabilizer (and I have been on a few). Not that that says much; pharmaceutical companies have their hands in everything.

I am not anti-medication, but I spent years being overmedicated on SSRIs, mood stabilizers, and antupsychotics. I'm sick of prescribers handing me things that I shouldn't even be on. Like it didn't dawn on my psych or anyone at McLean that I shouldn't be on Wellbutrin, with the risk of seizures in ED patients, as well as the fact that I have a history of hypomania. There was also the whole Effexor thing, where I was never told about the horrible withdrawal, then when I went off of it my psych was going to stop seeing me, blaming the awful effects on my poor health. I'm done with the trial-and-error, the side effects, and adding other medications to fix the side effects of the others. No more.

1 comment:

  1. I'm doing a writing degree, and one of the things I struggled with in my first year was knowing that I focused so much of my writing on my ED and self-harm. And I tried to force myself to write about other things, but I really couldn't, at least I couldn't write the way I wanted to write. And it was hard, because I was told to write about what I knew, but that was just this horrible thing that was hanging over me and still does, and I didn't see why people should be interested, or why people would want to read my work, and if they did then it would surely make them depressed... and so on and so forth.

    But then I did some research, read some other books, and I realised that whilst the ED and self harm are a big part of my life, there is a way to make work about them without making cliche-ridden angsty poetry (I'm not saying that that's what you write: it's what I wrote.) They are my 'everyday', and lots of writers focus on the concept of the everyday. Georges Perec, for example. Susan Sontag, in 'Illness as Metaphor' has some interesting thoughts on how depression is seen as a romantic, creative illness.

    I'm not sure if any of this will be helpful, and there's a lot more I could have said but I don't want to clog up your comment box, and also I can't find the list of books I'm looking for and cannot remember all of the authors off the top of my head. But just from reading your blog, I think you have a unique way of writing, and what you write seems real, because it's true.

    I guess what I'm trying to say, is write want you want to write, not what you feel you should write! But I know that's easier said than done.

    Take care, love Petal xo