Thursday, February 11, 2010

wasting

I'm so sick of wasting every day.

There is nothing I enjoy doing anymore. I spend all day hiding inside where it's safe, where I don't have to act when I'm barely holding it together. But I'm so alone, and I'm just existing.

Two hours this morning were spent getting dressed. Two hours. putting on layers and tearing them off, over and over, seeing only a disgusting blob in the mirror that won't go away.

Therapy in an hour, then work, just keep going through the motions. everyone is so far away.

2 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you're feeling terrible. I don't know how I can help, but maybe reading a favorite book could make you feel better? With a cup of warm tea perhaps? I'm awful at comforting people, but I hope this was at least sort of useful. And remember, no matter what, there's someone who cares about you.

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  2. I'm not sure exactly what I can say to make you feel better either. Just know I am here and reading and hoping you are feeling a little better. The feeling of loneliness is so overwhelming. I used to get myself hopsitalised jsut so I wouldn't feel alone. I could not cope with that feeling. I'm a little better now and I have found that when I am really struggling, I call my local acute care mental health team and they are really good. But I'm australia and I'm not sure what resources you have around you. I'm listening to you hun. I hope you're okay!
    *hugs*
    Sarah

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