I'm skipping class today. Everyone is supposed to bring in an "ice breaker activity" to facilitate; you know, those stupid little games designed to make people more comfortable by making them uncomfortable in front of strangers. I hate that crap. Not to mention we've been in this class since september, and are most likely doing this now for "fun," which is even worse.
So I'm home, and now I feel obligated to like, do something with my day. I'm caught between wanting to go back to bed and doing something purposeful. Because I know I'll only feel more depressed if I sleep. So I'm sitting with my cats, listening to the Where the Wild Thing Are soundtrack, and trying to figure out what to do with myself.
I know I need to go through all my stuff in my old room and decide what to keep and what to throw away, but it's harder than I thought it would be. I haven't lived there in well over a year, but whenever I'd visit my mom and siblings, there was something comforting about having all my old stuff there, posters and CDs, stuffed animals; that room was my refuge for my teenage years. Where I spent hours blasting music, hoping someone would hear the lyrics that described what I was feeling, and get what I wanted to scream out so badly. Where I sat on the floor beside my bed, bleeding from stashed razorblades. Where I would play my guitar on friday nights, telling myself it was okay I had no friends, because music would give me a future.
But now we've lost the house. My dad stopped paying the mortage ages ago, and now the house is in foreclosure. Thank God for my older brother; he got my mom, grandmother, and sisters a house about 45-60 minutes away. My mom will finally have a place that's hers, away from my father. Our old house is a wreck anyway. it's so depressing to be in it. I just worry about my sister Sofia, being farther away, where I can't get to without a car. Maybe she can stay with me on weekends. Someone has to protect her from all the dysfunctional drama.
Anyway, maybe I'll go to Harvard Square and browse through the book store. Or sit at Tea-Luxe with a Vanilla Jasmine tea and do more research for my play therapy paper.